So, I've been told I talk too much. Which is true at times. It all depends on who I'm around or my comfort level. If I am not comfortable I won't say a word. If I am then you'll hear my mouth. I won't talk your ear off but I'll definitely like to hold a conversation.

Now, when asked to talk in front of a crowd of people my FEAR keeps my 🤐 SHUT. I would find ways to get out of having to talk to a room full of people. I can't say that I don't know why it is because I do. It all stems from my childhood. Hell, everything stems from our childhood or tragic moment, doesn't it. Im Just saying.

My fear of public speaking began when I was in the 3rd Grade. I'll admit it, I was a talker. I didn't shut up for nothing. I participated in plays. I was one of the first ones to raise my hand because I knew the answers, I always wanted to read for the class. I enjoyed expressing what I knew until it got me into trouble. When it was time for Parent Teacher Conferences my teacher told my mom the only issue she has with me is that I TALK TOO MUCH! My mother wasn't so happy with me. She gave me a long talk and told me to " Stop running your mouth in class, school is for you to learn not just for you to be running your mouth"

So, I listened and I stopped talking. My confidence went down. I didn't want to participate in any school plays or class room activities. My participation grade dropped drastically from that point on. Each school year it got worse. Even in college it was hard to do presentations because I became a nervous wreck when it came to talking in front of a class.

I remember being put into a class because they thought something was wrong with me. I was pulled out for some type of class. I believe it was a english or reading class where we had to read and go over things. It wasn't that I didn't know the work I just didn't have the drive to do it anymore. I didn't want to be the motor mouth or know it all anymore.

One year I was placed in a spelling bee challenge because I passed all my spelling test and I knew all the words. However, we had to go on a stage and prove in front of the entire school. I purposely spelled Spaghetti wrong so that I can sit down. I was laughed at because I spelled it wrong and boy oh boy I wasn't able to live it down. Little did they know I spelled it wrong on purpose. I knew all the words that was presented. I would have won the trophy but what was the point.

I know that sucks but it's what I told myself to make it through school (What was the point) . I still got good grades and made the Honor Roll but the one thing I didn't do well at anymore was classroom participation. In college I kinda made up for it because I had to talk but I made sure I sat in the back and I wasn't as noticeable. I'd do presentations first only so that I can get them over with. During a presentation my body goes through an anxiety attack. First it starts with my heart racing, followed by sweaty hands. Then, my mouth gets extremely dry. I can barely talk. I want to run and hide. It seems like time has slowed down and everyone is judging me. I can't take everyone looking at me. So I talk faster and faster. The professors always say " Keena slow down and take your time" I'd slow down briefly and then I speed up just so I can sit down and feel normal again.

My fear still remains the same. I still talk but like I said not as much and only when I'm comfortable. I plan on shifting my fear and talking as much as I want to so that I can educate people. I feel that speaking is apart of my life and who I am. I know it may bother some while others appreciate it. I don't talk to talk annoy people. I talk to express myself like everyone else

Slowly but surely I will reduce my fears. I will speak in front of large crowds and I will not care what others think. I'm here for a reason and Speaking is apart of my Purpose

Be You! Live Your Purpose! Overcome Your Fears!

Advertisements
Autism

Overcoming A Fear of Speaking ….But I Talk Too Much

Gallery

I can't believe in a years time Justin has grown to be my height all the way up to a few inches shy of his fathers height. The doctor did say that Justin would get taller but I thought I had some time being that boys stop growing at 19. Also, because Justin was my height, I knew it's going to take some time for him to get taller than me. It didn't dawn on me that it would happen in the matter of minutes. This time last year Justin was 5'3 1/2" now he is roughly 6'0. That's a lot of inches in one year. I swear I wanted to cry because it seemed like I was buying new clothes every other month. Thank God, his feet didn't grow much 😊.

Check out his growth. Justin with his Father.

Jan/Feb 2016 June 2017

Autism

Oh My He’s Growing Too Fast

Image

In the Night of the Moon.
She Embraced her Inner and Outer Beauty.
She Fell in Love with Herself.
For it was not easy to Love Every Aspect of her Skin.
But She Learned and Slowly Allowed Her Feelings To Be.
She Knew that She must First Adore Herself Within.
Now that She's in Love.
She Can't Seem to Let Go Of
All She's Was Destined to Become
All Because She Fell In Love With Herself.

Keena's Moments

In the Night

Image
Bike Saga

I Can Ride A Bike! 

Justin can now ride a bike! The other day I had to pick Justin up early from his grandmother’s house on his step-mother’s side, he had to go to the dentist for a cleaning. While picking him up, I noticed he was on a bike while his sister and cousin were trying to teach him how to ride it. He seemed really frustrated and annoyed because apparently the bike wasn’t working well. So I waved for him to come get in the car so we wouldn’t be late for his appointment. As soon as he closed the door I knew he was going to get his thoughts off his chest. He said “I really didn’t want to ride the bike but my sister and cousin wanted me to.” 

I asked him, “What was wrong with riding a bike? Riding bikes are really fun and cool.”

 I told him about a time when I was young and got a bike for christmas and enjoyed riding it once I became good at it. 

He said, “But I just can’t seem to balance myself.” 

I said, “Well you know that’s normal. I heard that some children with Autism have a hard time riding a bike, maybe that is the case with you but you can always give it chance.” 

I could tell he was thinking about what I said because he stopped talking. I made silly faces to distract him from his thoughts and of course it worked, he immediately started laughing at me. After his visit with the dentist, I took him back to his grandmother’s house to spend more time with his sister and cousin. A few hours after I dropped him off, I received a phone call from Justin. I always get worried when he calls me while he is out. 

He asked,”Mom can I bring my bike home?” 

I was completely perplexed. I replied,“What bike?” 

Justin responded, ”The one I was riding earlier when you picked me up.” 

I said, “Oh okay! I thought you couldn’t ride that bike.”  

He replied, “Oh I can ride the bike now. My sister and cousin showed me. I can balance and ride it a lot better.” 

I was simply amazed. Once again Justin has shown me that he can conquer anything he put his motivation to. I am so proud of him. Today I had the pleasure of watching him ride his bike. I am one proud mom 

Standard