Today is day two of my water πŸ’¦ fast.

Last night my head was killing. I’m not going to lie I wanted to eat just so that I could relieve the pain but I didn’t. I meditated and then took a shower for about an hour. I also meditated in the shower, it definitely helped a great deal. I felt so at is and it probably because my focus was not on my pain but on my breath.

This morning I did feel a little nauseous but a drink of water helped me feel better. Justin really doesn’t like it when I feel bad. He tried to cater to my every need but he knows I am fasting, so the only thing he could do is bring me a class of water. 😊

I must say I had a lot of clarity last night. Visions of the future appeared to me. I have a lot to look forward to and is excited about it.

Oh I forgot, day two last time was horrible. I was weak barely wanted to get up out of bed. I couldn’t even do my workout until later that evening. Because out of no where at the end of the day I got this burst of energy and completed a full body workout. I felt great after I completed my workout. I was ready for the next day. I didn’t get a workout in this morning but I will this evening.

I got this!! Motivated to keep going

Happy Tuesday 😘

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Keena's Moments

7 Day Water Fast, Day Two

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In life everything is a give and take or some form of trade off. If there is no equal give and take, or trade off then then an unbalance occurs. When an unbalance occurs, balance seeks order. It’s seeks order not to control but so that all things are fair.

I’m feeling a little off balanced. I have been feeling this way for a few months now. I realized why this week and I’m finally starting to do something about it. I haven’t focused on myself the way I should be. I’ve been focused on being there for people emotionally and physically that I have stopped being there for myself. I cannot fault or blame them for my feelings of unbalance simply because I allow it. I allow my need for always wanting to be there for others overshadow what I need to do for myself.

My goal now is to get balanced and focus on me.

Happy Saturday!

Are you balanced?!

Keena's Moments

Balance

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So here’s an update of my progress.

So far I’m down 4lbs in 8 days. πŸ˜ŠπŸ‘πŸΎπŸ‘πŸΎπŸ‘πŸΎ. I’m very proud of myself. I believed I’ve hit a plateau but I guess I did not. I’m glad to see progress no matter how small it is. So I am now 232. My goal is 210 by my birthday in 27 days. I may not reach the goal by my target 🎯 date but it will be reached no matter what. I won’t give up on myself.

I still have been eating late and that’s only because I haven’t been eating much during the day. But I have been working out, Meditating, and Practicing Mindfulness daily. It feels good to be consistent with things and make the changes I wish to make for myself.

Continue to wish me luck!!! I’ll be back with an update in a few day

Keena's Moments

Day 8 of 21 days.

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I’ve decided to write Justin short letter picture quotes from me. I would like for it to be some thing that he can read throughout life to know my thinking process as his mom and to use it for encouragement when life gets the bear of him. Life wasn’t always easy for us and to this day we still have our moments. The world around us seem to be cruel and unfair to those of color. Some may not agree or thing so but it’s the truth.

As Justin watch the news he have questions that are only right for him to ask. Why are things so unfair for those who are black? Why are so many black people being murdered by cops? Why are black people judged so much when people of other races can do the same thing we do? The list of why’s continues. Some days I have straight forward answers while other days I don’t because I get frustrated having to explain to my son that life isn’t fair to people of color due to history. Some history isn’t told accurately while others is. I also explain to him that just because society is filled with greed, hate, and people’s need to control. We don’t stoop down to ignorance because we are better than what we are hated for.

Despite, what I say the world displays reasons why he should still question things and be mindful when he leaves the house, because life just isn’t fair to blacks no matter how free we are.

Happy Reading Justin.

Autism, Keena's Moments, Reflections

Dear Black Son

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So, I've been told I talk too much. Which is true at times. It all depends on who I'm around or my comfort level. If I am not comfortable I won't say a word. If I am then you'll hear my mouth. I won't talk your ear off but I'll definitely like to hold a conversation.

Now, when asked to talk in front of a crowd of people my FEAR keeps my 🤐 SHUT. I would find ways to get out of having to talk to a room full of people. I can't say that I don't know why it is because I do. It all stems from my childhood. Hell, everything stems from our childhood or tragic moment, doesn't it. Im Just saying.

My fear of public speaking began when I was in the 3rd Grade. I'll admit it, I was a talker. I didn't shut up for nothing. I participated in plays. I was one of the first ones to raise my hand because I knew the answers, I always wanted to read for the class. I enjoyed expressing what I knew until it got me into trouble. When it was time for Parent Teacher Conferences my teacher told my mom the only issue she has with me is that I TALK TOO MUCH! My mother wasn't so happy with me. She gave me a long talk and told me to " Stop running your mouth in class, school is for you to learn not just for you to be running your mouth"

So, I listened and I stopped talking. My confidence went down. I didn't want to participate in any school plays or class room activities. My participation grade dropped drastically from that point on. Each school year it got worse. Even in college it was hard to do presentations because I became a nervous wreck when it came to talking in front of a class.

I remember being put into a class because they thought something was wrong with me. I was pulled out for some type of class. I believe it was a english or reading class where we had to read and go over things. It wasn't that I didn't know the work I just didn't have the drive to do it anymore. I didn't want to be the motor mouth or know it all anymore.

One year I was placed in a spelling bee challenge because I passed all my spelling test and I knew all the words. However, we had to go on a stage and prove in front of the entire school. I purposely spelled Spaghetti wrong so that I can sit down. I was laughed at because I spelled it wrong and boy oh boy I wasn't able to live it down. Little did they know I spelled it wrong on purpose. I knew all the words that was presented. I would have won the trophy but what was the point.

I know that sucks but it's what I told myself to make it through school (What was the point) . I still got good grades and made the Honor Roll but the one thing I didn't do well at anymore was classroom participation. In college I kinda made up for it because I had to talk but I made sure I sat in the back and I wasn't as noticeable. I'd do presentations first only so that I can get them over with. During a presentation my body goes through an anxiety attack. First it starts with my heart racing, followed by sweaty hands. Then, my mouth gets extremely dry. I can barely talk. I want to run and hide. It seems like time has slowed down and everyone is judging me. I can't take everyone looking at me. So I talk faster and faster. The professors always say " Keena slow down and take your time" I'd slow down briefly and then I speed up just so I can sit down and feel normal again.

My fear still remains the same. I still talk but like I said not as much and only when I'm comfortable. I plan on shifting my fear and talking as much as I want to so that I can educate people. I feel that speaking is apart of my life and who I am. I know it may bother some while others appreciate it. I don't talk to talk annoy people. I talk to express myself like everyone else

Slowly but surely I will reduce my fears. I will speak in front of large crowds and I will not care what others think. I'm here for a reason and Speaking is apart of my Purpose

Be You! Live Your Purpose! Overcome Your Fears!

Autism

Overcoming A Fear of Speaking ….But I Talk Too Much

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