Autism

Restraint

Originally written on Thursday

I needed to post this again, it came up on my FB feed as a memory yesterday. Yesterday was one of those days. It started off great, got up late because I got into bed late. But I still was able to get my meditation and workout in despite waking up 30 minutes late. Had a phone conversation with my sister, got some paperwork done at work, confirmed appt.., and made it to my training on time.

Then, it happened. I’m known as the “know it all” and “think she’s better than everyone” Teacher. That’s not how I think of myself but that’s the vibe I get from others because of my ability to retain information and self teach when I want to learn something. I do what I need to, to be a better teacher for my students. So one fellow colleague says as I’m sitting down at the table with them ” You sure you want to sit with us, you sure you want to be with us at the moment”

I smiled and I said ” well actually I don’t want to sit in the front but I’m fine where I’m sitting” My colleague then smiled and proceed to talk to our other colleagues. From time to time I overheard her saying not nice things about me but I Ignore it. You see during workshops I like to sit alone to focus, it’s easier for me to retain information. I’m often times asked a million questions when questions could be asked to the presenter. I love learning new information and like for it to be quiet when I’m learning.

My colleagues like to talk where as I don’t. They did ask questions and I answered to be supportive. I also helped the presenter demonstrate how my fellow colleagues can operate their new smart boards using a program that’s on the smart board. Upon getting the smart board in my classroom I played around with it and taught myself how to use it. We also received additional training so we all should have been well knowledge with the Smart Board.

The presenter was impressed that I knew as much as I did and I explained to him that all I did was play around with it. I’m a Pre- K teacher and we teach our students through play, so I figured the best way for me to learn something that I’m not familiar with is play with it.

Everyone looked at me like I was crazy but it should make sense.

Then my colleagues said to me once the workshop was over ” You were very helpful, lets hope you stay that way” All I did was smile.

I’ve been changing how I interact with my colleagues at work lately. I’ll admit I can be harsh at times but that’s because I feel that if you’re working with children you shouldn’t be lazy when it comes to their development. If we all receive an emailed, I shouldn’t have to verbally explain the email to you when you can read it. Also, things for my children that I print out they take without asking. They don’t like to buy things for their classroom but expect me to share and give them what I have. So that’s why I’ve been saying No and Keeping to myself.

We all know teachers are underpaid simply because we’re always buying things to enrich our classrooms. I get bored easily so I’m always buying new things to engage my students.

The more things are done for my colleagues the less they want to do the work. I normally would have said some mean things but I didn’t.

I restrained myself while being talked about and taken for granted. I was frustrated because I wanted to be my old self just in that moment but I did good.

I did not give into their view of me. I normally would have corrected their perception because I feel if you’re going to have a view of me you should have the accurate one. But I let it go. It’s okay if they have the view they have of me. I worked hard to get to where I am. I love learning and I take ownership of my own learning. The things I do is not so that I can be better just for myself but for my students and clients as well. I love growing and evolving as a person.

I will one day be Doctor White. I will be myself despite what is thought.

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