These past few weeks have been really challenging for the both of us. We knew Justin’s in-home counseling services would end soon. However, we were not expecting my new diagnosis. At least I was not expecting it. I knew that I wasn’t feeling like myself but dismissed it as the day to day hormonal things women go through. The thing is my hormones are usually balanced and I am never really irritable because of my meditation practices. I am typically a calm person who has their moments from time to time, but they are very seldom.
I do not like how I feel. I feel like I do not know myself. Its hard to focus on meditating when your mind and body wants to run all day long. I was truly depressed recently. I have been upset that I had a hard time sitting down to write a post. It took me one week to write one post when normally it takes me several hours to write three. As I said before, my body would shake uncontrollably making it hard to type and or write. I would lose my train of thought when I was writing and would forget to sit down and write. I was irritable with myself and especially angry at my symptoms. I know that what I have been experiencing is all due to my diagnosis. I am happy to say I am finally on medicine and my symptoms are being maintained. In a few weeks I will have to come off my medicine so more tests can be run to find out the root cause of my condition. I know I will not be happy about it but I plan on finding things that I can do to reduce my symptoms. So far I found foods that will reduce my thyroid gland from producing too much hormone. Also, meditation will help me during those moments to when I want to pull my hair out.
This is a new journey for not only me, but for Justin. On top of dealing with me and my moods he has been dealing with the lost of his counselor and behavioral assistant. It seemed like all of the strategies that were taught to him went straight out the door the day following their last day. He’s been in a bad mood and everything someone says to him at school annoys him. I’ll admit I have been annoyed with his moodiness. It’s hard dealing with your child’s emotions while you’re trying to maintain your own emotions that you have no control over. I’ve apologized to Justin several time for my “ I’m not having that ” rants. I am blessed that he understands what I am going through.